like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
