I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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