Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize