he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
