i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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