I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
