His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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