I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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