i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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