I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
