But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
