so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i love accidental penises.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
