STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
