my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
