Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I FOUND THE LEGS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
