Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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