i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
