I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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