dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
