so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
