I faked an abortion last night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
