Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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