That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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