Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
