she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
