my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
