Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
