...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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