I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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