oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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