She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
