Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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