Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
