is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
