Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
