Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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