Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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