Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
