If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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