You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
