Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
