It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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