arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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