I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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