It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
