I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
