Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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