exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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