I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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