this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
