Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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