yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
