Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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