I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
