Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
