I love black thongs
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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