OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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