I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
