I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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