Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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