it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
