You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
