My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
