i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
