Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
