A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
