I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
