I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
