But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
