It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
