...so i touched it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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